I believe my desire to be an entrepreneur comes from two places. First, my love of experimentation, creativity, and doing something completely new. Second, is my disdain for being told what to do, and being told how to live. This is clearly tied to my first reason, as anyone who believes they have the answer or thinks they hold the Truth is a joke, liar, or both in my eyes.
However, with this being said, I have had a fear of success for most a my life. I rebel against those above me, push against them, plot my overthrow, and when the opportunity for success finally rears its head, I become paralyzed. Either that, or I've been weaving in my own failure the entire time.
I've never quite understood my fear of success, but I think I reached an illuminating realization today. I've always wanted to do my own thing because I never believed the truth or validity of others. I don't think they're living their lives perfectly, so why are they telling me how to live mine. Thus, I've sought my own truth and my own destiny. However, when I finally reach the turning point from follower to leader, from dependent to independent, the paralyzing clarity of my own shortcomings grips me. Now, if I am to strike out against the authority that holds me and pursue my own truth and infallibility, then understanding my own weaknesses is devastating. This is not to say that I am not right, however. Or that I am not better than what came before. In fact, I usually am. We find an edge, grab on to it, and let it pull us closer to The Truth. But the fear of success is really a lack of confidence. The acceptance of my own flaws, but the confidence to know that I am still right. That I can still lead even though I am not perfect. Because no one is perfect, or ever will be. We are only a step closer to it than those before us.
Thus, when I see this roadblock on the road before me, I begin sowing the seeds of my own downfall as proof that I am not perfect. But this is foolish. I must maintain confidence that will I am not perfect, I am an improvement on what have experienced before.
