The Future Is Unwritten

It makes me physically ill to hear you’re sleeping with someone else.

Literally; physically ill.

I’ve spent the last few months quite alone in this new city,

Down and out, at the very moment when I needed you most.

Yes, I understand that I was the one who left you – but only physically.

To hear that you’ve moved on,

To hear that you’ve fallen for someone new,

To hear that he makes you happy,

That he makes you feel passion,

That he makes you feel anything keeps me up at night,

Tearing at my heart, eating at my mind,

Destroying me

like a hungry lion

Ravaging its lifeless prey.

I know that I should move on too,

I know that the image of you in my head,

The memories I keep,

The fantasy I’ve developed,

Is just that.

And inn a way, you’ve come to symbolize every comfort I left,

Everything I love,

And the idea of Home.

I should move forward,

Focus on the present,

Plan for the future,

But not dwell in the Past.

It hurts me to admit,

But save your youthful voice and giggling laugh on the phone,

All that is you, all that is us, is in the Past.

So we can stay friends,

If that’s what you want,

If that’s what I want,

If that’s what is best,

But I must find something new.

I must live my life here – in this new city,

In this new life,

That you are not a part of.

You will always hold a place in my heart,

A piece of my soul

Forever owned by, and aligned with, you.

All the things you taught me,

All the things I felt,

All the things we were together,

There is no question that the flame will never die out,

Because you were my first love,

The first time I felt passion,

The first time I was

As comfortable together

As I was alone,

The first time I touched Happiness, Maturity, Love, Understanding.

And if the circumstances are right again,

If the opportunity ever arises once more,

We may be together yet;

The Future Is Unwritten.

Shiver Sever

Like an amputee

A part of me has been unwillingly removed

Severed from my aching body.

And just like an amputee

The phantom pains keep me up at night.

And the realization of the lose more

Painful

Than the loss itself.

The memory of the limb

More useful

More holy

Than the limb itself.

The inability for reconciliation.

Time that marches ahead with

Two Solid Feet.

And the Limb

Who has found a new body

To attach to

Without remorse for the old.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Red Fox Hawk Eyes

RED FOX HAWK EYES

We forget that Independence is an unflattering trait

But an essential one nonetheless

Those truly Independent

Are those who don’t listen

Who realize that we are all

Nervous

Anxious

Frightened by failures and shame

Those truly Independent

Are those who don’t waiver

Who realize that life is full of

Failure

and Shame

Full of those steering you astray

Whether they mean to or not

We are truly Independent

When the words of others

Flow off us like mist

When the sharpened arrows of

Loved Ones

and Enemies alike

bounce off our skin

without drawing blood

or change

or reaction

We are all the Idiot

filled with

Sound and Fury

Signifying Nothing

Saying

Nothing

and those truly Independent

are those who don’t listen

Oren Peleg 2010

Alexander the Great and Pliny The Younger

ALEXANDER THE GREAT AND PLINY THE YOUNGER

What is meant by changing the World

What is required of those who do

Is it conscious

Is it solitary

Is it active

Where lays the Passion

of Beauty and Art

Where hides the Quest

for glory and eternity

Does Immortality Stick

In words that evaporate

In sculptures that crumble

In knowledge that spreads

What is meant by

Each Plays His Part

And what is required of those who do

Oren Peleg 2010

Society is arranged in

an Hierarchy

and we are Forced to take

our place in it.

We are

Mentally Conditioned

by

Culture

and

Religion

to follow an accepted Order --

a World View.

As:

A Whole

as Parts

as Individuals

in every denomination

in every level

Equilibrium must be maintained

between so many factors

...

(Happiness, Lust, Spirituality,

Safety, Humanity and Machine)

...

that a slight change causes

agitation and consequence.

This energy affects

more change

in the Equilibrium

and the chain

repeats

through infinity.

To be alive Today

is to be alive when

Faith and Rationale

Want and Satisfaction

Human and Machine

are in flux.

There is no one

Outside

of the System,

operating

Outside the System,

who was Born and Matured

in the System.

The evolution of Humanity

is in the shifting of forces.

Nautilus Shell

NAUTILUS SHELL

Memories as cells
dropping into the Ether.
Spinning.
Life always spinning.
Cells towards Eternity.
Life as revelation.

You. You. And Utmost You.

Time slips and blows away.
Like dust off our faces.
Blown into color.
Pink. Green. Blue Color.

I want to love you forever
and Talk in code.
Whispering through the darkness.

The Golden Compass
that will align all things.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

A backwards E

A BACKWARDS E

I am depressed without you --

I want to get up and scream.

Who do I call?

Who do I touch?

How can I avoid wasting time?

You are the First answer

the Premier solution

to challenges of meaning

and of purpose.

I explode whimsically in your presence.

The COLOR of your SKIN

your HAIR

your EYES (eje)

are a miracle to

AWE

for eternity.

No one talks fish better.

No One

curls ideas into fanciful discoveries

or sarcastic yet heart-warming jokes

like you.

You are my support that never buckles.

You are my body that always embraces.

You are my flame that continually grows.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Categories of The Vague

CATEGORIES OF THE VAGUE



Categories of The Vague:

Roofs of Outbuildings
Names of Mythic Men
Leaves of Evergreens
Sounds of Traffic
Spices from Siam
Dresses in Shop Windows
Dogs with Leashes
People with Sharp Noses
Shoes that Click
Shoes that Clack
Kites of Paper
Children with Curiosity
Waves on the Sea
Sand between Toes
Breezes in The City
Women in Jeans
Arguments that Hurt
Relationships that End
Wounds that Heal
Life that Moves On
Summer Days more beautiful than The Last

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Life Is A Construction Site

LIFE IS A CONSTRUCTION SITE

Creative output is dry.

My mind feels like it

unravels

a little more each day.

I feel my body is falling apart

Never healthy, never strong.

My teeth rot in my mouth –

no matter what I do.

This feeling of stuck,

of gloom,

of clouds blocking the sun,

of moving / but not going forward,

can never disappear for too long.

So I waste another day

doing nothing,

breath in more smog

from the LA air,

turn up the happiest

music I can find,

and feel my chest

squeeze a little tighter.

Copyright 2010 Oren Peleg

Keep The Left Centered

KEEP THE LEFT CENTERED

Ordered pizza for late-night delivery –

Arrived at 12:15am.

I paused the movie.

The man at the door must have been at least 70.

His skin was heavy. He looked tired.

I wondered what sort of society would allow this.

I couldn’t stand to give a large tip and humiliate him more.

I finished the pizza and ate an orange.

The movie ended.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Reflections of an Atheist

REFLECTIONS OF AN ATHEIST

An

Old Chevy

Turned the corner

before the light

Turned green

It was

THEN

that

I realized

there are two (2) kinds of

Atheists:

I. those who believe that some questions do not have answers

II. and those who do not worry themselves with the questions at all

I watched a movie that

played out

in Black-And-White

fra g me nt s

and wondered…

if I

D

R

E

A

M

enough

in the same room

will it leave a dust

?

Throughout the day

I get in the habit of

thinking

and

acting

too fast

to no real benefit –

all the while, thinking

I’m going crazy

and losing a certain

demeanor

in the process

Some days never change – no matter how hard we try

we are bound to waste them.

And if we count up all those days, how much shorter have we lived?

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

While I Wait For The Messiah

WHILE I WAIT FOR THE MESSIAH

I wait for the Messiah and spend an hour in front of the TV.

My posture slack and hair greasy.

I watch the PBS Newshour and Charlie Rose from the night before.

The phone rings. A quick chat with a friend. We attempt to meet later, but I already know it will fall through.

The cat walks by, sniffs at my feet, and lays in the square of warm light by the glass door.

Talk of Haitian orphans adopted in Denver. I fast forward to a conversation about the banks.

Too big to fail. Too big to jail.

A tiny spider runs down the side wall.

Salinger is dead. The Messiah has already come for him.

I listen to jazz.

The ink in my pen runs out.

I am thirsty and have nothing to do.

Copyright 2010 Oren Peleg

The Singularity of the Pair

THE SINGULARITY OF THE PAIR

You Beautiful Woman
You unbelievable woman
What power you have
What mysterious magic
Your fresh flesh
whole and tight
able to make my muscles
tense and buzz
Your voice and reason
gives clarity

In a single moment of climax --
while the edges and corners still remain --
a sense of resolution presides
a distinct warmth and peace
(holy though unfounded)
rises and washes over me
departs from my lips
to spill onto yours

Oh, sacred connection
The unity of carnal consumption
as proxy to the soul's bond
enmeshed and aligned
with the Oneness of Two,
the singularity of the pair.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Paradise Lost

PARADISE LOST

What do you do when you've
lost all passion?
when you've become lost
and don't care to find your
way home?

What is the sound of a man going crazy?

If this is all we have to look forward to,
what is the point of living another day.
There is no Franklian honor to the suffering,
just a Ticking Clock that will eventually run out.
And all I do is waste it.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Death From Above

DEATH FROM ABOVE

There was no glamour in the death itself.

No fiery wreck

No magic bullet

No fall from the sky;

rather a

slow painful ugly end.

But it was a calculated one,

a long and carefully planned one:

not an inevitable train wreck

but a building collapsing in slo-mo.

The answer to a terrible riddle.

The only glory was taken by the tombstone:

Death by Self-Destruction.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Hurt Composure

HURT COMPOSURE

Everyone I know Goes away in the end.

-“Hurt” Nine Inch Nails

If Death and Loss are the inevitable ending to every relationship

If Separation and Disappearance (in one form or another)

are inescapable facts of existence

If the Other cannot journey with us into

the Unknow, the Next,

then how are we to view Love

how are we to view the long-term?

Love may be nothing more than a necessary reaction to attach us to

those who allow growth, change, learning

but nothing tells us that Love should be singular

because Love itself is not a singular emotion

Loving both Mother and Father does not diminish the feeling toward either

Commitment carries a sense of respectability and honor to it

but Forced Commitment echoes the loss of the Original Spark

(the reason for anything to exist to at all)

In the face of Death, of our own end

all things forced, all things without passion

all things barren of the Original Spark

seem a foolish waste of time;

Only things that expand the Heart

that allow the well of emotion to wash over us

that leave a piece of us for eternity

dull the Hurt.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

There Is An Abyss

THERE IS AN ABYSS

There is an Abyss

to our lives;

an abyss most people

rarely bring up –

choose not to

talk or think about –

even though it occupies

a vast majority of

who we are.

We spend our lives

quartered off to the

well-lit anteroom,

while locked away

behind a clearly marked

Door

is the dark Abyss that defines us.

Somewhere deep

and far beyond, hides

our demons, our passions

our secrets, our pain.

Those few brave enough

to venture in,

to explore the terrain

past the

shallow field of light the open door allows,

to discover the farthest corners

of their soul

(for all its beauty and repulsion),

enter a vast labyrinth of emptiness

that exists beyond,

and begin a

great and dangerous journey:

some never return

some lose their minds

some wind up alone and corroded

but if one is to find his way back,

He is all the better for it.

He has conquered the

Infinite

deep within himself;

begun alone confused and searching,

He has retrieved the

hidden strength

that will forever light his path

and guard his integrity.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010