1:26am/8-28-11

Songs That Make Me Feel Good:

"Brass In Pocket" by The Pretenders

"Walking On Broken Glass" by Annie Lennox

"Train In Vain" by The Clash

"Your Love Is My Drug" by Ke$ha

"Til The World Ends" by Britney Spears

"Cecilia" by Simon and Garfunkel

"Walking On A Dream" by Empire of the Sun

"Bombay" by El Guincho

"Los Adolescentes" by Dënver

"We Own The Sky" by M83

"Little Secrets" by Passion Pit

"Deli" by Delorean

"First and Cherry" by The Exes

"Californication Theme" by Tree Adams

"Giving Up The Gun" by Vampire Weekend

"Electric Feel" by MGMT

"Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

"Radio Gaga" by Queen

"Forever" by Chris Brown

"City Is Mine" by Jay-Z

"Flashback" by Calvin Harris

"4 am" by Kaskade (Adam K and Soha remix)

"Perfect" by The Smashing Pumpkins

....I'm sure there are plenty I'm forgetting, and I'm sure some of those listed I will change my opinion on later, but for now, I'm tired. Goodnight. 2:29 am.

1:05am/8-28-11

Home alone weathering Hurricane Irene. A true test of my strength (mentally and emotionally). Bring it on, Mother Nature.

12:33pm/8-23-11

E-mailing people and trying to be friends as if I had any. Must learn to be graceful. Must learn how to talk and relate to people better. So many interesting people around me, I want to learn about them and hear their ideas and opinions.

11:30am/8-23-11

After all that has happened with Sarah, and the long silence, I still feel the desire to know her. Deeply. Find out who she is under all the layers, and why she is so damaged. I have no doubt that most of this impulse comes from loneliness and lust. I also believe that I see her as a sort of mirror for myself: uncovering the source of her scars may reveal something about my own.

The Future Is Unwritten

It makes me physically ill to hear you’re sleeping with someone else.

Literally; physically ill.

I’ve spent the last few months quite alone in this new city,

Down and out, at the very moment when I needed you most.

Yes, I understand that I was the one who left you – but only physically.

To hear that you’ve moved on,

To hear that you’ve fallen for someone new,

To hear that he makes you happy,

That he makes you feel passion,

That he makes you feel anything keeps me up at night,

Tearing at my heart, eating at my mind,

Destroying me

like a hungry lion

Ravaging its lifeless prey.

I know that I should move on too,

I know that the image of you in my head,

The memories I keep,

The fantasy I’ve developed,

Is just that.

And inn a way, you’ve come to symbolize every comfort I left,

Everything I love,

And the idea of Home.

I should move forward,

Focus on the present,

Plan for the future,

But not dwell in the Past.

It hurts me to admit,

But save your youthful voice and giggling laugh on the phone,

All that is you, all that is us, is in the Past.

So we can stay friends,

If that’s what you want,

If that’s what I want,

If that’s what is best,

But I must find something new.

I must live my life here – in this new city,

In this new life,

That you are not a part of.

You will always hold a place in my heart,

A piece of my soul

Forever owned by, and aligned with, you.

All the things you taught me,

All the things I felt,

All the things we were together,

There is no question that the flame will never die out,

Because you were my first love,

The first time I felt passion,

The first time I was

As comfortable together

As I was alone,

The first time I touched Happiness, Maturity, Love, Understanding.

And if the circumstances are right again,

If the opportunity ever arises once more,

We may be together yet;

The Future Is Unwritten.

Shiver Sever

Like an amputee

A part of me has been unwillingly removed

Severed from my aching body.

And just like an amputee

The phantom pains keep me up at night.

And the realization of the lose more

Painful

Than the loss itself.

The memory of the limb

More useful

More holy

Than the limb itself.

The inability for reconciliation.

Time that marches ahead with

Two Solid Feet.

And the Limb

Who has found a new body

To attach to

Without remorse for the old.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Red Fox Hawk Eyes

RED FOX HAWK EYES

We forget that Independence is an unflattering trait

But an essential one nonetheless

Those truly Independent

Are those who don’t listen

Who realize that we are all

Nervous

Anxious

Frightened by failures and shame

Those truly Independent

Are those who don’t waiver

Who realize that life is full of

Failure

and Shame

Full of those steering you astray

Whether they mean to or not

We are truly Independent

When the words of others

Flow off us like mist

When the sharpened arrows of

Loved Ones

and Enemies alike

bounce off our skin

without drawing blood

or change

or reaction

We are all the Idiot

filled with

Sound and Fury

Signifying Nothing

Saying

Nothing

and those truly Independent

are those who don’t listen

Oren Peleg 2010

Alexander the Great and Pliny The Younger

ALEXANDER THE GREAT AND PLINY THE YOUNGER

What is meant by changing the World

What is required of those who do

Is it conscious

Is it solitary

Is it active

Where lays the Passion

of Beauty and Art

Where hides the Quest

for glory and eternity

Does Immortality Stick

In words that evaporate

In sculptures that crumble

In knowledge that spreads

What is meant by

Each Plays His Part

And what is required of those who do

Oren Peleg 2010

Society is arranged in

an Hierarchy

and we are Forced to take

our place in it.

We are

Mentally Conditioned

by

Culture

and

Religion

to follow an accepted Order --

a World View.

As:

A Whole

as Parts

as Individuals

in every denomination

in every level

Equilibrium must be maintained

between so many factors

...

(Happiness, Lust, Spirituality,

Safety, Humanity and Machine)

...

that a slight change causes

agitation and consequence.

This energy affects

more change

in the Equilibrium

and the chain

repeats

through infinity.

To be alive Today

is to be alive when

Faith and Rationale

Want and Satisfaction

Human and Machine

are in flux.

There is no one

Outside

of the System,

operating

Outside the System,

who was Born and Matured

in the System.

The evolution of Humanity

is in the shifting of forces.

Nautilus Shell

NAUTILUS SHELL

Memories as cells
dropping into the Ether.
Spinning.
Life always spinning.
Cells towards Eternity.
Life as revelation.

You. You. And Utmost You.

Time slips and blows away.
Like dust off our faces.
Blown into color.
Pink. Green. Blue Color.

I want to love you forever
and Talk in code.
Whispering through the darkness.

The Golden Compass
that will align all things.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

A backwards E

A BACKWARDS E

I am depressed without you --

I want to get up and scream.

Who do I call?

Who do I touch?

How can I avoid wasting time?

You are the First answer

the Premier solution

to challenges of meaning

and of purpose.

I explode whimsically in your presence.

The COLOR of your SKIN

your HAIR

your EYES (eje)

are a miracle to

AWE

for eternity.

No one talks fish better.

No One

curls ideas into fanciful discoveries

or sarcastic yet heart-warming jokes

like you.

You are my support that never buckles.

You are my body that always embraces.

You are my flame that continually grows.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Categories of The Vague

CATEGORIES OF THE VAGUE



Categories of The Vague:

Roofs of Outbuildings
Names of Mythic Men
Leaves of Evergreens
Sounds of Traffic
Spices from Siam
Dresses in Shop Windows
Dogs with Leashes
People with Sharp Noses
Shoes that Click
Shoes that Clack
Kites of Paper
Children with Curiosity
Waves on the Sea
Sand between Toes
Breezes in The City
Women in Jeans
Arguments that Hurt
Relationships that End
Wounds that Heal
Life that Moves On
Summer Days more beautiful than The Last

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Life Is A Construction Site

LIFE IS A CONSTRUCTION SITE

Creative output is dry.

My mind feels like it

unravels

a little more each day.

I feel my body is falling apart

Never healthy, never strong.

My teeth rot in my mouth –

no matter what I do.

This feeling of stuck,

of gloom,

of clouds blocking the sun,

of moving / but not going forward,

can never disappear for too long.

So I waste another day

doing nothing,

breath in more smog

from the LA air,

turn up the happiest

music I can find,

and feel my chest

squeeze a little tighter.

Copyright 2010 Oren Peleg

Keep The Left Centered

KEEP THE LEFT CENTERED

Ordered pizza for late-night delivery –

Arrived at 12:15am.

I paused the movie.

The man at the door must have been at least 70.

His skin was heavy. He looked tired.

I wondered what sort of society would allow this.

I couldn’t stand to give a large tip and humiliate him more.

I finished the pizza and ate an orange.

The movie ended.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Reflections of an Atheist

REFLECTIONS OF AN ATHEIST

An

Old Chevy

Turned the corner

before the light

Turned green

It was

THEN

that

I realized

there are two (2) kinds of

Atheists:

I. those who believe that some questions do not have answers

II. and those who do not worry themselves with the questions at all

I watched a movie that

played out

in Black-And-White

fra g me nt s

and wondered…

if I

D

R

E

A

M

enough

in the same room

will it leave a dust

?

Throughout the day

I get in the habit of

thinking

and

acting

too fast

to no real benefit –

all the while, thinking

I’m going crazy

and losing a certain

demeanor

in the process

Some days never change – no matter how hard we try

we are bound to waste them.

And if we count up all those days, how much shorter have we lived?

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

While I Wait For The Messiah

WHILE I WAIT FOR THE MESSIAH

I wait for the Messiah and spend an hour in front of the TV.

My posture slack and hair greasy.

I watch the PBS Newshour and Charlie Rose from the night before.

The phone rings. A quick chat with a friend. We attempt to meet later, but I already know it will fall through.

The cat walks by, sniffs at my feet, and lays in the square of warm light by the glass door.

Talk of Haitian orphans adopted in Denver. I fast forward to a conversation about the banks.

Too big to fail. Too big to jail.

A tiny spider runs down the side wall.

Salinger is dead. The Messiah has already come for him.

I listen to jazz.

The ink in my pen runs out.

I am thirsty and have nothing to do.

Copyright 2010 Oren Peleg

The Singularity of the Pair

THE SINGULARITY OF THE PAIR

You Beautiful Woman
You unbelievable woman
What power you have
What mysterious magic
Your fresh flesh
whole and tight
able to make my muscles
tense and buzz
Your voice and reason
gives clarity

In a single moment of climax --
while the edges and corners still remain --
a sense of resolution presides
a distinct warmth and peace
(holy though unfounded)
rises and washes over me
departs from my lips
to spill onto yours

Oh, sacred connection
The unity of carnal consumption
as proxy to the soul's bond
enmeshed and aligned
with the Oneness of Two,
the singularity of the pair.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Paradise Lost

PARADISE LOST

What do you do when you've
lost all passion?
when you've become lost
and don't care to find your
way home?

What is the sound of a man going crazy?

If this is all we have to look forward to,
what is the point of living another day.
There is no Franklian honor to the suffering,
just a Ticking Clock that will eventually run out.
And all I do is waste it.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Death From Above

DEATH FROM ABOVE

There was no glamour in the death itself.

No fiery wreck

No magic bullet

No fall from the sky;

rather a

slow painful ugly end.

But it was a calculated one,

a long and carefully planned one:

not an inevitable train wreck

but a building collapsing in slo-mo.

The answer to a terrible riddle.

The only glory was taken by the tombstone:

Death by Self-Destruction.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Hurt Composure

HURT COMPOSURE

Everyone I know Goes away in the end.

-“Hurt” Nine Inch Nails

If Death and Loss are the inevitable ending to every relationship

If Separation and Disappearance (in one form or another)

are inescapable facts of existence

If the Other cannot journey with us into

the Unknow, the Next,

then how are we to view Love

how are we to view the long-term?

Love may be nothing more than a necessary reaction to attach us to

those who allow growth, change, learning

but nothing tells us that Love should be singular

because Love itself is not a singular emotion

Loving both Mother and Father does not diminish the feeling toward either

Commitment carries a sense of respectability and honor to it

but Forced Commitment echoes the loss of the Original Spark

(the reason for anything to exist to at all)

In the face of Death, of our own end

all things forced, all things without passion

all things barren of the Original Spark

seem a foolish waste of time;

Only things that expand the Heart

that allow the well of emotion to wash over us

that leave a piece of us for eternity

dull the Hurt.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

There Is An Abyss

THERE IS AN ABYSS

There is an Abyss

to our lives;

an abyss most people

rarely bring up –

choose not to

talk or think about –

even though it occupies

a vast majority of

who we are.

We spend our lives

quartered off to the

well-lit anteroom,

while locked away

behind a clearly marked

Door

is the dark Abyss that defines us.

Somewhere deep

and far beyond, hides

our demons, our passions

our secrets, our pain.

Those few brave enough

to venture in,

to explore the terrain

past the

shallow field of light the open door allows,

to discover the farthest corners

of their soul

(for all its beauty and repulsion),

enter a vast labyrinth of emptiness

that exists beyond,

and begin a

great and dangerous journey:

some never return

some lose their minds

some wind up alone and corroded

but if one is to find his way back,

He is all the better for it.

He has conquered the

Infinite

deep within himself;

begun alone confused and searching,

He has retrieved the

hidden strength

that will forever light his path

and guard his integrity.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2010

Our Great Union

OUR GREAT UNION

Alabama – From Obama To the Bahamas

Alaska - The “I’ll Ask Her” State

Arizona – Wide Open Arid Zones

Arkansas – Capital of Our Kansas

California – Even the Caliph Fornicates

Colorado – I Do, And So Can You

Connecticut – Connect the Dots

Delaware – Served With Silverware And Earthenware

Florida - Where You Go If Cuba Want To Get Ridda Ya

Georgia – Virginia’s Slutty Twin Sister

Hawaii -- No Man Is An Island

Idaho – You Da Pimp

Illinois - More Noise Than You Can Handle

Indiana -- In Memoriam of The Indians We Killed

Iowa – The Land of Milk And Honey

Kansas -- Not Pronounced “Ken’s Ass”

Kentucky – Getting’ Lucky In Kentucky

Louisiana – When Your Mouth Gets Too Lazy To Articulate

Maine – Might As Well Be Canada

Maryland – Where Everyone Is A Winner

Massachusetts – Chew Before You Swallow.

Michigan – Meshugana

Minnesota – Don’cha’no

Mississippi – Ms. I Pee-Pee Eye

Missouri – The Show-Me State

Montana – Forgot How To Spell “Mountain”

Nebraska – Home of The Bugle, Bagel, And Beagle

Nevada – Dirtier Than The Bed You Sleep On

New Hampshire – With A Name Bigger Than The State

New Jersey – The Anglo Nueva Yersey

New Mexico – The Best Vowel To End A Word With

New York – Better Than The Old York

North Carolina – Beauty And Brains

North Dakota – Like Salt To A Wound

Ohio – Japanese For: Good Morning

Oklahoma – There Is No Place Like Home’a

Oregon -- Going, Going, Gone

Pennsylvania – Pen Or Pencil Is It?

Rhode Island – Misleading Advertisement

South Carolina – Never Lose Your Car Keys Here

South Dakota – I’m Rushing To Mount More And More

Tennessee – Capital of Bookkeepers

Texas – And The Broken Hearts Brigade

Utah – An Emotional Desert

Vermont – Un Petit État

Virginia – Georgia’s Prude Twin Sister

Washington – Where the Sun Don’t Shine

West Virginia – Because One Virginia Was Not Enough

Wisconsin – Whose Cousin?

Wyoming – Back of The Bus, Bottom of The Barrel

Copyright Oren Peleg 2009

My 3 Cats

MY 3 CATS

We have three cats in the apartment.

They are all house-cats.

Born inside.

Raised inside.

They will die inside.

They have never stepped a foot

out of doors.

Maybe if our apartment were bigger,

maybe if there were less of them,

maybe if being confined to the

space between four walls was natural,

this might be ok.

But, whenever I open the door for them --

believing that deep down,

some gene, some chromosome,

exists for the explicit reason

of craving freedom –

all they do is timidly

approach the threshold

and stare outside curiously.

Never once did they muster

the courage to place a paw on the front-steps,

never once did they get an impulse to run,

run forever and never come back.

Never once did their eyes glint

in such a way

as to hint at their instinctive desire

to see the world outside of home.

I bought a one-way ticket today,

and I’m not looking back.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2009

Rules Don't Exist, Just Their Broken Fragments

RULES DON'T EXIST, JUST THEIR BROKEN FRAGMENTS

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool

I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.

-Steve Jobs

Confidence, Legacy

Purity, Motivation

Courage, Knowledge

Wisdom, Calm

Happiness –

all attributes I constantly strive for –

seem to spring from one central Truth:

an Individual’s discovery

and pursuit

of their Purpose.

The gift of Uniqueness,

of the specificity of character

(of a mental and spiritual jigsaw puzzle

graced upon us from deep within the ether of the cosmos,

the interstices of photons),

that is not now, has never been, and will never be

duplicated, or exist concurrently,

appears to me the ultimate blessing of Life,

and the reason for it all.

Caesar, Napoleon, Alexander - Leaders.

Monet The Observer.

Hitler of Oration.

Don Juan and Casanova, inherent Understanding of Women.

Mozart with the Ear of an angel, and the Melody of heaven.

Hitchcock is Suspense.

da Vinci was history’s great Learner.

Jefferson knew Structure.

Here am I

sitting alone in my room,

not doing anything with my life

not moving forward

not taking risks and learning from them,

unaware of whatever my uniqueness is,

and afraid that I, like so many others,

may never find it –

or if so, may not have the courage, and the will-power

to follow and fight for it.

I will die another grain of sand on the beach.

For those who found their hidden treasure,

either by following a map born of the same womb,

or by simply stumbling upon it

during the mindless and empty romp

life otherwise feels to be,

their indelible mark is left on everyone

they touch, and remains visible –

like a rock protruding in a stream –

throughout history,

for all who care to look.

As for the rest of us,

the hunt in never over, that is,

so long as we never abandon it.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2009

One Moment Of God

ONE MOMENT OF GOD

As the sun rises, the fresh, crisp

streets are serenely empty,

asphalt of dew-soaked grass,

litter neatly packed and

grouped along the gutters

like small patches of flowers.

The air is alive with the bright blue of the sky.

The morning has a certain aura to it –

like the opening riffs of a

Paul Desmond melody

or a Robert Breer animation.

I stand on the corner,

waiting for the first bus,

my hands warm and cozy in coat pockets,

and look down toward Century City –

the tangerine and cherry-blossom streaks of the horizon

reflected in tall towers of glass.

The day has not yet donned its grit,

and the hours lie open as a blank slate

upon which anything

(acts of history, moments of clarity,

the wreckage of love, the elegance of defeat)

could be written.

Yet, standing here alone,

a smile sneaking steadfast upon me,

the pieces neatly aligned,

I know one moment of grace

one moment of God.

Copyright Oren Peleg 2009